There’s a version of financial advice that is technically correct but completely wrong for the moment.

It ticks the boxes. It covers the recommendations. It documents the meeting. And it leaves the client feeling completely overwhelmed, unheard, and unsure of what just happened.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what it actually means to advise someone well when they’re grieving. Not just what the right financial recommendation is, but how we show up. How we pace ourselves. When we speak and when we sit quietly. Whether we’re genuinely in service of that person, or whether we’re just moving through a process.

The vulnerability question

Here at PlanningSolo, we’ve recently updated our vulnerable client policy to include bereavement as a specific category of vulnerability.

That might sound clinical, but the intention behind it is important. Vulnerability, in this context, doesn’t mean incapacity. It doesn’t mean someone can’t make decisions. It means we go into every meeting with heightened sensitivity. We slow down. We check in. We don’t take comprehension for granted.

And we maintain that heightened sensitivity for longer than we might expect to. Grief is not linear. Someone can seem completely on top of things one week and fall into a heap the next. I think maintaining awareness of a client’s vulnerability for at least a year or two after a loss is important – and that’s a genuine shift in how I approach those ongoing relationships.

I also don’t make assumptions about who is and isn’t deeply affected by a loss. The nature of someone’s relationship to the person who died is their business. Their grief is their grief, and I try to respect that equally regardless of the connection.

The thing about best interests

There’s a traditional way of thinking about best interests in financial advice that goes something like this: the client tells me what they want, and my job is to help them get there in the most efficient, cost-effective way possible.

I don’t think that’s wrong, exactly. But I think it’s incomplete – especially when someone is grieving.

When a client is in acute grief, their future self can temporarily disappear. Their ability to think beyond the next six months is severely compromised. That means decisions that feel completely right in the moment might not serve them well in five years.

My role isn’t to override those decisions. It’s not to be paternalistic or to treat someone as if they can’t be trusted. It’s to gently bring the future version of them into the room.

One question I’ve found really useful for this: “In five years’ time, what would you want me to have done to protect you in the meantime?” It can help to just expand the frame a little, so that the advice we’re giving now accounts for the person they’ll be, not just the person they are right now.

Listening more than talking

I’ll be honest about something. Advisers – myself included – can be bad at sitting in discomfort. We’re trained to find solutions, be helpful, and have answers.

But sometimes the person across the table from you doesn’t need answers. They need to feel heard. They need someone to not make them feel foolish for crying. They need to know that they’re not being rushed.

In those moments, the most valuable thing I can do is talk less and listen more. Ask open questions. Sit in what comes with the answer. Not fill every silence.

I think about it sometimes as a ratio: the best meetings I’ve had with clients going through grief have probably been 70% them speaking and 30% me. The meetings I’m least proud of have been the other way around.

Why this matters to you

If you’re reading this because you’ve recently lost a partner, or because you’re supporting someone who has, I want you to know something.

You are entitled to an adviser who understands what you’re going through. Who doesn’t rush you. Who communicates clearly and follows up in writing. Who keeps your long-term wellbeing in mind even when you can’t.

And if you’ve had an experience where that wasn’t the case, I’m genuinely sorry. It’s not how it should be.

The standard of care you deserve when you’re at your most vulnerable is higher than usual. Not lower. And that’s what I try to bring every time I walk into a meeting with someone going through this.

If you’d like to talk through your situation, I’d love to help. You can book a free initial call with me here – no pressure, just a conversation.

Want to know more? Read my articles “What Your Adviser Should Actually Do When You’re Grieving” and “When Tax Meets Grief – What Executors Need to Know”.